The isolation has been hardest thing, I’m a really person centred individual, I attend a lot of groups and I really felt the impact of not seeing people. Not seeing my family was really difficult they live at the other end of the country. My mum was diagnosed with cancer In the October, In the middle of a lockdown, she has severe mental health problems and she had to have a mastectomy. There was nobody to help her, one of my sister’s worked in a Covid testing centre and my other sister was a teacher and managing a 2 year old. I knew I needed to look after but I was terrified as it was illegal to travel to go and see her and I was terrified of getting Covid. I tried to sort out a nurse for her but all the services had stopped, it felt like living in another dimension where common sense in the physical world had stopped. Basic care had become illegal it was an unnatural very dark force of lockdown and it felt deeply inhumane. I think lockdown should have a happened differently, the common sense aspect of it seemed like something a toddler had drawn up in crayon. Finding somewhere to stay, the illegality of it all and the fear of killing my mum by getting Covid meant it was a massive operation to go and take care of her, I felt like some kind of undercover agent! Thank god that bargain booze was open – that seemed to be the only support service available!
Having outdoor space really got me through, we moved house to live by the beach (once we were allowed to) because of lockdown. I really needed to be somewhere I could breathe. The TV has really got me through it’s such a useful tool, car crash TV is like taking a sedative, it really does serve a purpose. Listening to music, helped and doing my art but I wasn’t always motivated with my art, the air was thick with this atmosphere and I’m really sensitive to environments of fear and suffering, I’m like a wide open door and I feel it all. The day we reached a 100, 000 deaths my mind body and soul felt paralyzed, it’s just not the sort of energy to be able to do creative work in.
At the beginning of lockdown there was a nice sense of stillness and peace, I remember cycling through the city centre where I live, it was beautiful with no one around. There was a lot of time for reflection it felt like the idea of consuming so much had stopped a little. I really enjoyed the photos of Delhi and people being able to actually see the clear skyline for the first time. It felt utopian, like there could be a fresh start with the abuse of the planet. The virus kind of brought us together, it showed us globally how similar we all are – our similarities of movement, travel, habits and behaviours and that we are all really interconnected. When we managed to house nearly all the homeless people in our country, it showed the capacity for good and care. It’s proven that the resources are out there and that no one needs to be left out.